| Recently I caught a segment on 60 Minutes about a | | | | teenage daughters. There were laundry baskets full |
| group of nomadic people who live in the islands off | | | | of clothes everywhere. Those girls have so much |
| the coast of Thailand and Burma who are called the | | | | clothing that they probably can't find half of it. Does |
| Moken or the sea gypsies of the Andaman Sea. | | | | it make them more peaceful, happy, or contented |
| Apparently, because of their intimate knowledge of | | | | inside? I doubt it. Instead, I could feel the energy |
| the sea, the Moken people were able to survive the | | | | drain of being confronted with this clothing chaos. I'm |
| Asian Tsunami of December 2004 when so many | | | | sure I noticed it because it's not my house or my |
| others in the area perished. This fact is interesting in | | | | mess, so it's easier for me to see it since I'm not as |
| and of itself, but what really caught my attention | | | | used to it. And it's not like my home is that much |
| was the following excerpt: | | | | better. Sometimes I look at the accumulation of stuff |
| The Moken don't know how old they are. Ivanoff | | | | on my kitchen counters after a week of not paying |
| says this is because, "Time is not the same concept | | | | attention and say "What is all this crap?" and "Why |
| as we have. You can't say for instance, 'When.' It | | | | do I have so much stuff?" Even though I don't see |
| doesn't exist in Moken language." | | | | myself as an avid consumer, I still accumulate too |
| And Ivanoff says "when" is not the only word | | | | much stuff. |
| missing from the Moken language. "Want" is another. | | | | On the other hand, I feel fortunate in that I rarely |
| "Yes, you use it very often," says Ivanoff. "Take | | | | suffer from the disease of wanting. I am grateful for |
| that out of your language and you see how often | | | | all that I have and I'm content with it. I can't tell you |
| you use it. 'I want this, I want that.'" | | | | the last time I craved something - not even a piece |
| There is also no word for "take." "You take | | | | of chocolate much less a new car. When my current |
| something," says Ivanoff. "You give or you take. You | | | | car no longer works well, then I will look into getting |
| don't want." | | | | a new one, but until then I don't have a strong desire |
| The fact is, the Moken want very little. What they | | | | for a different or fancier car. |
| don't want is to accumulate anything. Baggage is not | | | | Instead, I have often suffered from worries. In the |
| good for a nomadic people. It ties you down. They | | | | past, I have been a queen of the "what if" game: |
| have no notion and no desire for wealth. | | | | what if I can't pay the bills next month? what if I |
| ... | | | | don't get health insurance? what if I don't make |
| But the Moken do have problems. The Burmese have | | | | enough pasta salad for the party? what if I don't |
| turned some of their islands into military bases. And | | | | finish my work project on time? what if? what if? |
| the Thais are having them make trinkets for tourists, | | | | what if? On and on the list could go. These thoughts |
| a trend that could ultimately threaten their way of | | | | used to surface most often when I turned out the |
| life far more than any number of tsunamis. | | | | lights at night, but they could be a constant refrain |
| But the Moken don't seem terribly worried by all this. | | | | during the day also. |
| Perhaps that's because "worry" is just one more of | | | | I have had to teach myself to turn off the worries. |
| those words that don't exist in their language. | | | | Like wants, they are just thoughts made up by my |
| They don't have the words for want or worry in | | | | mind that I start to believe in. A worry is suffering |
| their language. I found it intriguing that this is a culture | | | | emotional turmoil and anxiety because of something |
| of people who do not define themselves by their | | | | that hasn't happened yet and might not happen. How |
| wants, their worries, or what they have accumulated. | | | | messed up is that! A worry is a negative emotional |
| And from the short clip that I saw of them, they | | | | feeling based on a prediction of the worst case |
| seemed contented enough. | | | | scenario for the future, not something that is |
| Here in our western society, we do tend to define | | | | happening now. |
| ourselves by our wants, our worries, and the stash | | | | We are a culture obsessed with worrying, which |
| of stuff we own. And we also tend to suffer from a | | | | causes us undue stress and unhappiness. I've learned |
| lack of peace and happiness in our lives. I know I'm | | | | that for me, the true cure for worry is bringing my |
| not the first person to think that these things might | | | | focus into the present rather than getting upset |
| be related. | | | | about what might or might not happen in the future. |
| Wants and worries are just ideas made up by our | | | | One of the cures for my "what if" syndrome is a |
| minds. They are thoughts that surface in our minds | | | | trick I took from Susan Jeffer's book Feel the Fear |
| that we grab hold of and believe are true. And when | | | | and Do It Anyway. When my mind starts with "what |
| we believe they are true, then we become attached | | | | if I can't pay the bills next month?" I just tell myself |
| to them and suffer if things don't work out exactly | | | | "I'll handle it when and if it actually occurs." Until then, |
| as we believe that they should. (I don't consider | | | | I do what I can in the present moment to bring in |
| necessities such as food, clothing and shelter to be | | | | more income or cut my expenses, but I do not get |
| the kind of wants I'm talking about, I see those | | | | upset about something that might not happen. If I |
| more as needs.) | | | | get to next month and I really don't have the |
| I'll sacrifice someone dear to me as an example. Last | | | | money, then I'll have to call whoever I can't pay and |
| winter this person wanted to buy a Harley-Davidson | | | | work it out with them, or I'll have to borrow a little |
| motorcycle that his mother was selling. He wanted it | | | | money, whatever it takes when it actually happens. I |
| badly. He visualized owning it and took a picture of | | | | don't mean to imply that I sit around on my backside |
| himself sitting on it. But when the time came to pay | | | | and do nothing if I anticipate not being able to pay |
| up, he didn't have the cash available without taking | | | | next month's bills. I do some extra work or try to |
| out a loan which he decided against. I know he was | | | | figure out another way to bring in more income--I |
| disappointed, and for a few days he was in a really | | | | take action now. What I refuse to do anymore is |
| bad mood (suffered emotionally) before he finally let | | | | make myself sick or lose sleep about what might |
| it go from his emotions and moved on. But here's the | | | | happen 30 days from now. |
| clincher--last week he told me he didn't miss having | | | | Want and worry and the habit of accumulating stuff |
| the motorcycle at all and he was glad he didn't end | | | | starts early in our society. My youngest son is getting |
| up buying it. Imagine that... | | | | close to four years old, and "I want" is a definite part |
| My take on this is that when he was wanting the | | | | of his vocabulary. Many times I have heard "I want a |
| motorcycle last winter, he believed that it would | | | | new (toy) truck" when he already has a dozen toy |
| somehow make him happier or more fulfilled, but he | | | | trucks. It's almost as if having fuels more wanting. |
| realized later that he was not less happy by not | | | | And my older son worries about what next year will |
| having the motorcycle. I asked him to think about | | | | be like at school since some of his friends have left. |
| what might mean to him, especially since he now | | | | He's anticipating that it will be miserable, hence the |
| talks about wanting a classic car. | | | | worry. I tell him not to assume that he knows how |
| So here's the secret: We want things that we think | | | | next year will go, not to predict the worst case |
| will make us happy and content. Our culture tells us | | | | scenario for the future. Maybe he'll have the |
| that things will make us happy, and it's hard to deny | | | | opportunity to make new friends. |
| the pervasive influence of this lie. But happiness and | | | | Imagine if want and worry didn't exist in our lives. |
| peace in our lives do not come from getting the | | | | Imagine if we didn't let those unruly thoughts of |
| things we think we want, they come from | | | | craving and negative anticipation consume our minds. |
| developing an inner calmness that is free from | | | | Would we suffer less from depression, anxiety, fear, |
| wanting. And wanting just makes us feel desperate, | | | | low self-esteem, and even anger? I think so. Imagine |
| stressed and unfulfilled. | | | | if as a society in general we could diminish our |
| How do you get rid of the desperation of wanting? | | | | collective wanting and worrying. Would we cause less |
| Question it. Ask yourself why you want something. | | | | destruction to our environment? Would we be a |
| Do you need it? What will it bring to your life? What | | | | more peaceful and progressive nation? |
| will be different about your life if you have it? Will it | | | | Maybe having a burning desire for something or even |
| make you kinder, more peaceful, or more content? | | | | some person in your life works for you. Maybe |
| I'm not saying never get something you desire or | | | | worrying gives you some sense of control. But I |
| that you think will entertain you. Just question | | | | have found that having a burning desire makes me |
| yourself to make sure you are not pinning your | | | | feel a little desperate and obsessed, and worry just |
| happiness on a thing, because happiness comes from | | | | robs me of sleep rather than helping me accomplish |
| your inner being not something outside you. | | | | anything. If you find that you feel desperate, |
| Wanting also tends to lead to an accumulation of | | | | unhappy or unfulfilled, it might be worthwhile to |
| stuff in our lives that we just don't need and that | | | | consider whether wanting and worrying are stealing |
| drains our energy without us even being aware of it. | | | | your inner peace. |
| I visited a friend the other day who has two | | | | |